Archive for November 2007

Fired For Actually Doing His Job

November 30, 2007

Jeff Gerstmann was a reviewer over at Gamespot. Most people don’t know the name but they do know his 8.8 score of Twilight Princess. Well now that Eidos is buttfucking Gamespot and has Kane & Lynch ads everywhere, it is no surprise they threw a shit fit when their game got a 6.6 in ihs review which then led to his termination. Above is the review that got his ass saaaaaaacked.

The funny thing is that Eidos needs to realize how many crap games they put out. Sure they have their hits in there but also some pure crap, and it is that crap that gets lots of sequels and coverage. Anyone remember 25 to Life? The 50 Cent game? Yea that’s what I thought. Check out the list and sure there are classics there like Legacy of Kain and Fear Effect but there is also a lot of crap. Some Mad Maestro anyone?

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The Japanese Tradition: Chopsticks

November 30, 2007

Ohashi, the honorable chopsticks. These two little pieces of wood have fed armies, stuffed nations of minions, and baffled many a white guy trying to look cool in front of his date at the local fish ‘n shits sushiya for yuppies. Well now you will be the Chopstick God.

From the proper breaking techs to the way you should hold your chopsticks, everything is covered. I think this is good as so many people go to Japan and then they sit down at a restaurant and guess what, not every place has forks that you can fall back on when it turns out you are super gaijin man. Not me though, I just psychoflex and the food ends up in my stomach.

This is a joke btw.

BJ League Ready To Blow

November 28, 2007

Basketball Penis Chair

First round tryouts have started in Chiba and Fukuoka for the BJ League. Expect some stiff competition as players push and pull for the hard spots on a team. Expect some people to swallow disappointment as the tryouts are multi-tiered.

These tryouts will consist of physical strength, individual skills and game skills. They will be testing out how far and how well you can shoot and if your accuracy is good, no one likes a random shot landing somewhere other than its target. The registration cost is ¥5,250 so if you are in the area, grab your balls and head out as you never know what might happen. Gotta love the Basketball Japan League…. wait you thought I meant something else this whole time? Get your mind out of the gutter you pervs.

“He splits up the middle and scores in the backdoor!”

Dëthkløk Fuckin’ Rocks

November 28, 2007

Most of the time Adult Swim kinda sucks. It was good when it first started, a mix of import anime and their own cartoons such as Space Ghost: Coast to Coast. But then the crap showed up: Squidbillies, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and the like. But as of Monday I was mostly ignorant about a show called Metalocalypse and come today I can’t get enough.

Described as “Spinal Tap meets Scooby-Doo meets Norway”, Metalocalypse follows the exploits of the part-American/part-Scandinavian death metal band Dëthkløk. They enjoy a popularity level unheard of in reality, being “the twelfth largest economy on Earth.” They are so popular that their fans will do anything their songs tell them, even if it means death. Yous need watchs it dildos.

“This is, I believes, called food libraries.”


Credit goes to IanKenshi for introducing me to this and for dressing as Skwisgaar Skwigelf for Halloween.

The Man Who Grew Roots

November 27, 2007

Man Who Grew Roots

So you cut your leg, what do you do? Pour bourbon over it and grit your teeth? Cry like a little bitch? Take a photo and upload it to College Humor like the fraternity douchebag that you are? Well if you are a poor Indonesian fisherman, you say “screw this, I am hardcore (aka poor). I will go about my daily routine.” Well that usually is the case unless you have a rare genetic fault that impedes your immune system and lets warts grow unchecked. And then you turn into a tree/Pan’s Labyrinth type freak show.

After testing samples of the lesions and Dede’s blood, Dr Anthony Gaspari of the University of Maryland concluded that his affliction is caused by the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), a fairly common infection that usually causes small warts to develop on sufferers.

But then this shit went crazy.

Roots.

Stupid Cards For Stupid People

November 27, 2007

Atomic Baby

“An atomic candle! For Ultra Baby!”

Gallery of Unfortunate Cards.

How People Get to MaoChan

November 26, 2007

How People Get to MaoChan

One of the best sources of humor for running MaoChan is seeing how people find it. It is like watching the search bar text back in the Gnutella & Hotline (and you thought you were old skool) days, nothing but Bestiality and Chick Peeing On Man searches. Granted the bestiality searches are lower but the weird crap is still there. But if you were wondering, here is a short list of the top items that get new people to MaoChan.

Steampunk
my roommate is such a dick
cyberpunk
korea ass
himono-onna
storm hawks hentai
Ryugyong Hotel
bad cosplay
Japan

I still get a little freaked out when people just add hentai to the end of a name in order to find porn with X Character in it. I am sorry but jacking to the monkey character in Storm Hawks is not cool. What ever happened to good ol’ fashion pee videos?