Archive for November 12, 2007

Half-Life 1 & 2 in 60 Seconds

November 12, 2007

Gordon Freeman, Headcrabs, Dr. Kliener. Oh how I have wasted many a good hour that could of been invested in solving the world energy crisis into delving deep in the dark black bowels of Black Mesa, insurmountable heights of the Citadel, and the sprawl of City 17. What’s that? You don’t know what the hell a Gravity Gun, G-Man, or the Combine are? Well since the 1998 boat sailed awhile ago along with the 2004 Half-Life 2 plane having taken off, you can now catch up on the events in only 60 seconds.

If you have never played either 1 or 2 and you are a gamer then you are also a loser. Half-Life is a genre defining series with Valve & Gearbox pushing forth the evolution of the FPS narrative each step of the way. From rethinking that an FPS can have a full and engrossing story like an RPG to changing the way a player interacts with the environment, Valve & Gearbox are pioneers. Now if only Gabe Newell could get his crap together and get Episode 3 out. That or at least a few more TF2 maps then I am a content cuttlefish.

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Faceplants Galore

November 12, 2007

Faceplant

Webster’s Dictionary defines faceplant as the act or condition of being faceplant. Usually due to some stupid action taken by an individual, the faceplant leads itself to generating laughter and shame for those involved. To watch is to enjoy, to participate is to hurt.

I have done many a plant as I used to mountain bike. Long were the days when winding through a trial and them BAM! you end up eye to dirt with the ground. It wasn’t a big deal for me as I would stand up, dust off, and then go running into the brush to slaughter all those innocent animals who were witness to the act with my bare hands. Who’s laughing now Nature?

“Umph!”

A.C. Slatering

November 12, 2007

AC Slater

So fake yet so hilarious that I hope it is true.

Guys this is probably the most embarassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was at my girlfriends house tonight for dinner, and shortly after i had to go #2. My Gf’s brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering. AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomache was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC SLatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF’s parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf’s mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tommorow. I am so embarassed and I hope my gf doesnt blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.

Poop.