Girl Scouts New Cookie: Coconut Orangutan Bits

Every damn time I go to Sam’s Club to get some gas and a few things like toilet paper, I end up getting berated by some little douche who is flaunting their wares at me like it is some 15th Arab bazaar. The Jesus cross kids are already fucked in the head but now a new group shall join them for being morally stupid. It turns out the Girl Scouts are helping to kill orangutans with every box of cookies.

Those cookies that you love to shove into your food hole contain palm oil. Turns out that palm oil grows not natively where orangutans live but only after you slash and burn their homes. Then it grows really well. Two of the cookie peddlers are striving to educate people but let’s face it, no one really cares about the Girl Scouts except for their cookies. Their sweet, tasty, moist, soft, warm, delicious, pre-pubescent cookies….. I was talking about thin mints and samoas.

I can really taste the monkey.

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