Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

60 Bacon Sliced Whopper

June 24, 2008

First God created Bacon. Bacon needed somewhere to live so he made Earth. But Bacon needed consumption, so he made people. But then stupid people shunned God and to punish them he put Bacon into pigs so that it was harder to get at it (before it was just walking around everywhere). People defied God and found the Bacon, locked away.

Once the secret was unearthed, it was sold to Burger King so that someone could go in and order a Whopper with 15 servings of Bacon on top, 4 slices per serving. And the man rejoiced, in his mouth was Bacon, in his heart was vindication, and in his soul he felt he had killed God.

Bacon.

Reflecting on Stupidity

June 4, 2008

Today’s Dilbert reminded me of a quote from my freshman year roommate that just help to add to the confusion of how the hell did he get into the same school:

“Everywhere I go, I carry two sacks so that if someone asks me to lend them a hand I can say ‘Hey I would like to but sorry, I’m carrying these sacks.'”

I really think that if he were to have had access to a sack repository, he would of been walking around with those two sacks all the time.

Learn to Run Your Own Dirty Convenience Mart

May 12, 2008

Grab a turban and some shitty knick-knacks as you get ready to embark on your training to run a dirty little stop and rob shop in Konbeni DS: Otona no Keiei Ryoku Training (The Konbeni DS: Adult’s Management Power Training). Now you too can pretend to be that old guy behind the counter who wouldn’t sell you cigarettes when you were 17. From stocking hot dogs to Horny Goat Weed Sex-MaXXXX, you will feel what it is like to run a gas station.

I kid, the game actually focuses on running a Konbeni, a Japanese convenience mart a la Lawson CS or Family Mart, in which you will have to stock bento boxes and hopefully have to do an oden minigame. It should teach those kids who play DS during school about their future careers.

Kyu-kyu.

Whatever you do though, don’t call the person behind the counter Grandma as it is liable to get you shot (video after the jump) or as Grandma said “His nuts…… they gone.”

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Uncivil Servants

April 24, 2008

Douchebags are everywhere and in a city like New York City, there seem to be more due to the fact that they are all crammed in next to each other. But douchebaggery is not limited to just normal people, even people in civil servant jobs can abuse their status. Shocking, isn’t it? To think that people abuse their power, I am appalled.

Well over at Uncivil Servants, they are fighting back. From calling the cops on repeat offenders and taking photos to post who is being a dick, they hope to clean up some of the mean streets of NYC. Apparently there isn’t much action being taken against the people they report but they are trying to fight the tide of incompetence one bad park job at a time.

Parking, $20.

Real Sumo: Why Tickets Cost So Much

March 31, 2008

Everyone has heard of Sumo wrestling. The sport of two fat dudes in thongs playing grab ass till someone falls out of the ring or to the floor. Well that is what Japan wants you to think, mainly due to the fact that the truth is too dangerous to let out to the rest of the world. Sumo is actually a colliding battle of gargantuan titans, that unleash untold energy that can cleave the arena, nigh, the world in two.

From the burning intensity in the competitor’s eyes to the power grapples, everything is full of explosive Hi-NRG! Do not make the mistake of thinking that what we all know as sumo is sumo. This video was secretly taken at an event in Japan, only 15,000 causalities were reported.

KABOOM!

It Has Been ‘Shopped

March 20, 2008

Phantom Hand

We have all tried our hand at photoshop at some point. Some might have ventured over to the Something Awful Friday contest. But when you think that when your job is to be a photoshop dude, that you hopefully would not make a mistake and do something like, say, leave a phantom hand in the photo.

From extra limbs, missing limbs, anime make-overs, to just full on body changes, the list of screw ups just keep adding up. And they are all documented for people to see at this great new site called PhotoShopped.

“Something is wrong here.”

How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Beer

March 17, 2008

So let me ask you this, how many times have you been sitting there and thought to yourself, “Man the head of this beer just won’t go down fast enough. Let me see what I can stick in it to make it go quicker.” And after trying a spoon, your finger, and a strange guy’s cock that you decide “Oh, I know! Olive oil!”

I want to know who the fuck really does this? Please step up and make a comment and let me know that someone out there really just adds a whole heaping spoonful of olive oil to their beer just because of the head that might be there due to a bad pour. Despite fucking up the flavor, you do realize that you are just adding a whole 100 calories for no reason. At least if you put pretzels or say a scoop of bacon fat that you would get a good taste out of it. This is just gross, lubing up beer. Might as well just add some motor oil to that hamburger since it was too hot to eat.

Urawaza apparently is Japanese for Das-Fuckin-Nastee.