Archive for the ‘Shopping’ category

BankQuest Levels Up Your Money

June 23, 2008

I am tired of having change all around. I hate pennies and wish I could do something useful like play a game when I have a pocket full of nickels and dimes. Now with BankQuest you can take those slivers of metal and turn them into weapons and armor for your adventurer as you play through this RPG quest.

Made by Takara, famous for their Walkie Bits and other toys, the BankQuest will hold yup to 50,000 yen which is $500 American although I assume less since we don’t have $1 & $5 coins in our country and NO that stupid Sacajawea didn’t pan out into real currency so it doesn’t count. Goes on sale August 7th.

That sword, I’ll pay a fine price.

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Fancy Up The Wine Party

June 19, 2008

Wine is a great beast to try and conquer. Complex, various, elegant, uptight, snobby. Well when you have friends over you need to make sure you can accommodate everyone. For the snot nosed douche bag who thinks Santa Margherita is the pinnacle of pinot grigios (come on, it is an $18 bottle) you can laugh in his face while sipping some fine Oberon ’94 cab from these fine, hand blown glass solo cups.

These glasses are actually very nice and fancy despite their shape. Sure you can drink from some Reidell stemless red wine goblets (barf) or some Waterford Crystal glasses (they sure are nice) but when you got the beer pong cup on a stem, it is definitely the way to go.

Wino.

More Sushi Abomination

April 24, 2008

The famous Koi in NYC has added another nail in the coffin that is real sushi. Their latest offering is the High Roller (I do give props on the name). Take your average roll and then just start shoving in expensive stuff for no reason. Apparently this is served tableside with the chef shaving white alba truffles and pouring on 100 year old balsamic vinegar. The innards include Hudson Valley foie gras, langoustine brushed with saffron/vanilla bean butter and all encrusted in caviar. The cost is $1000.

As many people say “but there is no real thing as Japanese sushi, it evolves.” Yea…. NO. Japanese cooking adheres to strict guidlines, almost like a religion. Sure there are changes but they are so slow and minimal that it takes decades for something to be incorporated into it. Even then just because you cram something with expensive shit, it doesn’t make it fancy. I will unleash High Roller Jello when I open my restaurant. It is lime jello but contains the keys to a 747 in it. Just add some truffles and I will be famous and sadly, someone will buy it.

“Crap roll please.”

Giant Hornet Honey And Other Curiosities

April 23, 2008

Many people know I like to venture into the strange when it comes to food. Sure I do have to draw lines because some things seem pretty fucking nasty, such has Balut, but I bet if you got me drunk I would be down. Same goes for Hákarl [video]. But let’s say that the local rotten fish market is closed, so what can you do to satisfy that tongue?

Over at Edible, they have a selection of pretty cool items that you can order. From Japanese Giant Hornet Honey to Scorpion infused vodka, there is no shortage of the bizarre. The packaging of these items is great, definitely display items for your kitchen. But now you know where to get regurgitated Vietnamese Weasel Coffee.

YUM!

De Nyew Testament: Praez Da Man

February 21, 2008

Gullah NT

Now fo you go dun hatin tha MaoChan is hatin, reed this. Gullah is a real thing, with studies by Purdue’s Black Cultural Center and others on the preservation of Gullah. But now even if that is all you speak, you can now be praising the Lord along with all the others. Here is another example:

John 13:34-35

An now A da gii oona a nyew chaage. Oona fa lob one noda. Same fashion A done lob oona, same fashion oona fa lob one noda. Ef oona da lob one noda, ebrybody gwine know dat oona me ciple dem.

Yeah….. I think I got it, “Sala means jerk and Manjula means some kind of spaceship.”

Biblez.

Fo Reelz Yo!

How to Buy Flowers For The Ladies

February 13, 2008

Ikebana Tiger Lily

Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Guy’s everywhere are wondering what the hell to get some woman they wanna sleep with. One standard fall back is flowers. But do you realize that flowers have meaning. From type to color, there is symbolism in them. The kind of symbolism that can mean the difference between “oh you put thought into these, let’s screw” to “oh you just bought some flowers, thanks”.

Above is a classic example of a personal favorite of mine, the Tiger Lily (Oniyuri in Japanese), being used in an Ikebana presentation. Lilies revered by the Greeks and thought it sprouted from the milk of Hera. They symbolize virtue, humility and devotion. The white is innocence, humility, and reverence while the pink stands for grace, gentility, and happiness. That’s right, MaoChan does his homework hence there is a Mrs. MaoChan. Oh yeah!

Color Guide.
Flower Type Guide.

Just Like on Nip/Tuck

December 18, 2007

WonderGoo

They have opened a brick and mortar store to sell my semen. I heard there was a stampede of women there on Black Friday. Fear not as I will keep the shelves stocked.

It is so wonder.